People like to say that widows or widowers who have remarried are brave, or fearless, or give praise on how they didn’t let the worst thing that happened to them stop them from living life to the fullest. Like somehow, that terrible part of life is over and done with. Hooray, you moved on, everything …
Author: Val
I became a widow in 2013, when I was 23 years old. It has been a long journey. I'm at a point where I want to share my experiences, thoughts, feelings, and stories about my dead husband and the widowhood experience. I want to discuss suicide, how it effects those left behind, and the stigma that comes with it. Writing has been my therapy, and maybe, just maybe, my ramblings can help someone too.
But this is what you signed up for
Will and I are almost through a deployment. This is our first, so saying it has been an adjustment is slightly an understatement. One day at a time is a great mantra to have in times like these (hey, what worked for widowhood can be applied to other aspects of life too!) It has been …
Triggers
Society, I think, tends to believe that once a certain amount of time has passed after the death of a loved one, then it means that the ones left behind are fine and have moved on with life. Because those left behind no longer break down in public, no longer show up to work with …
A fatherless Father’s Day
The last few days when out and about in the world, I couldn’t help but notice all the Father’s Day merchandise displays, cards, and gifts slinking their way out of storage rooms at, it seems, every single store in town. Each card, each display smashed into the glass cocoon of denial I’ve built around myself. …
Dating after widowhood
Dating and relationships after widowhood – what a loaded concept, both for the widowed and everyone surrounding them. Who am I kidding? The mere idea of it is a minefield. Society puts so much pressure on us, the widowed. Just read about Patton Oswalt, his wife's death, and his new love. He got so much …
Shame and suicide
Shame. It’s a feeling you get very used to as a suicide survivor, whether you lost a spouse, a sibling, a parent, a relative, or a friend. You live each day wrapped in this feeling. Shame settles over you like a heavy layer of dust and holds you in place. The world loves to look …
Five years
Five years. Today marks five years since Brandon’s death. March 1 – this day will forever be burned into memory. It was the last normal day I remember; the last day before the pain, the trauma, the sheer shock of that night morphed me into the person I am today. For the rest of my …
Dream
Last night I had a Brandon dream. They’re so rare, so infrequent. The exact events of the dream are foggy at this point, but what I remember is Brandon was suddenly back, alive, breathing, and talking. It was like he went away on a long trip somewhere far, far away and had no access or …
The 5th wedding anniversary
Five years ago, roughly at the time I’m sitting here writing this, Brandon and I said our I do’s and officially became husband and wife. We didn’t have a big wedding since neither of us wanted to make any fuss about it. After all, at that point in our relationship, we already felt like we’ve …
Cup of Sorrow
Prideful, stern mountain range, the season softly whispers of change The colored birds above running, such grace, almost cunning We circled around the cavernous well, wills captured by love’s spell With cold comforts of the rain, our life left like a speeding train Alone in my defeat, I wipe a tear, seems you have me …
The Widow Mosaic 